There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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