K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
