worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
