Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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