That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
