he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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