Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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