Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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