I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
