i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
