You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
