I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
