just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
