Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
