hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have surprise drugs for everyone
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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