You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
