I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
