I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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