Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
