When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Say something about gay babies.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't turn off my feet"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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