We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
