Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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