Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
