I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We just shotgunned beers for America
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
