do herpes really smell.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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