i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
