so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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