fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
