I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
