Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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