i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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