I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
