Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
