I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
