Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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