so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
