She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
