Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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