I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
