why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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