i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
