This is not my ceiling
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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