i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
