I think i peed on brittanys purse
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
