NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
