I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
