So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
