i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
