Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
