I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
