I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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