I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
