I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
