the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're like the curious george of whores
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
